Sometimes I feel like I overwork myself to try to be a good mom. I'm so close to graduating and earning a degree, which I hope in the long run will make me able to help support my family if needed. Plus, it's something I enjoy, and something that Jacob and I enjoy together.
Sometimes when I come home and I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed at all my teaching and school responsibilities, I wonder if all this sacrifice is worth it. It's so hard to be fully engaged in my daughter's life when I'm not there for most of her waking hours. But I love being with her and feeding her and hearing her cute sounds and seeing her roll over and seeing her happy smiling face. She helps me forget myself. Even though I'm finishing school to "support my family," I don't feel close to them at all while I'm in class or teaching. When I am with Laura, I feel happy, and I know that nothing else in the world matters besides the happiness and development of my child.
The hardest times for me are at night after she's asleep. That's when I have to do my homework and study and make lesson plans. By then I'm so overwhelmed and stressed by the piles of things I need to do. Plus my body is extra tired at the end of the day, and I feel helpless. Some nights the stress is so bad, I can't stop thinking about it when I go to sleep, which means I don't sleep well.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.
