Sometimes I feel like I overwork myself to try to be a good mom. I'm so close to graduating and earning a degree, which I hope in the long run will make me able to help support my family if needed. Plus, it's something I enjoy, and something that Jacob and I enjoy together.
Sometimes when I come home and I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed at all my teaching and school responsibilities, I wonder if all this sacrifice is worth it. It's so hard to be fully engaged in my daughter's life when I'm not there for most of her waking hours. But I love being with her and feeding her and hearing her cute sounds and seeing her roll over and seeing her happy smiling face. She helps me forget myself. Even though I'm finishing school to "support my family," I don't feel close to them at all while I'm in class or teaching. When I am with Laura, I feel happy, and I know that nothing else in the world matters besides the happiness and development of my child.
The hardest times for me are at night after she's asleep. That's when I have to do my homework and study and make lesson plans. By then I'm so overwhelmed and stressed by the piles of things I need to do. Plus my body is extra tired at the end of the day, and I feel helpless. Some nights the stress is so bad, I can't stop thinking about it when I go to sleep, which means I don't sleep well.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.
Rebecca, you are an incredible mom. What you're doing is incredible, and I know that you will all feel the blessings that come from your hard work! I can't wait for you to be done with school and to enjoy that extra time!
ReplyDeleteYou know I've always counted my blessings that I graduated before I even got married or had kids because I don't know you my siblings are doing it who didn't. If I lived closer, I sure would babysit that little chunk more! Love you!
ReplyDeleteBec, I'm praying for you. I can imagine it IS super hard for you to be in this situation. Laura (and Jacob) are lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteI am so amazed at all you and Jacob do in this difficult time, and I know you will be blessed for the efforts you put into your education. I am blessed that I live close enough to be able to help by babysitting your adorable little Laura. I love her so much! It is a privilege for me to help out!
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